It's Hard to Give Up Hope Completely

[Entries from Perry's Journal]

May 24, 1979: . . . I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.  We have been thinking that Gene’s case is hopeless and so it appears.  But it is hard to give up hope completely.  I desire that she live, yet I do not desire that she suffer.  Such a conflict.  If I only knew what to expect.  The doctor said she could develop another disease.  She could throw a clot, or she could just continue to waste.  It is so difficult.  I pray that the Lord will grant me strength.  I must not let myself get down.  On the way to work, I found myself singing:

There’s crowds and crowds

Of sunbeams shining for you.

And in a little while

The clouds will break

And heaven will smile.

When days are gray look up and say

The skies will surely be blue.

We all have troubles more or less

Yet there’s worlds and worlds

Of happiness

Behind the clouds for you.

Such a quaint little song.  I remember hearing it on my grandmother’s old victrola over fifty years ago.  I don’t know if Gene can hold out until school is out.  She is so weak and in so much pain.  The children all call.  What a blessing to have such loving, caring children.

Harriet, Craig and family, November 1980

June 4, 1979: Harriet has been here since the 23^rd of May.  I surely appreciate her.  She is such a cheerful person.  She is a great help not only in domestic needs, and being with Gene, but she is an emotional support to me as well.  I sometimes feel that I should protect her from such harsh realities.  That is when I think of her as my little girl.  Then I see that she has become such a mature young woman.  Gene feels this conflict too.  The other day she asked me how long Harriet was going to be here.  She said “Harriet is too tender of heart to witness all this.”  I tried to explain that Harriet was a grown woman now and that she wants to help.

June 13, 1979

Dear Perry & Gene,

Seems like time flies by so fast. It hasn't been too long since we saw both of you, but here it has been over a month. Surely hope that you are feeling a little better, Gene. We think about you often and pray for you. I suppose we all have our trials--sometimes we wonder if we can endure them. But through the help of others and our faith, we know our Heavenly Father blesses us.

Dee calls Hope quite often to see how your mother is making out. The other night when he called, Hope was playing the piano and your mother was playing her guitar. That will be good for her and take her mind off from her burdens.

Wish we could see you at our golden wedding open house, but we know that is impossible. But we wanted you to have an announcement just the same. Love Dee [Elmer's brother] and Mary

June 19, 1979

Dear Perry & Gene,

It seems a little odd not to add your dad and mother, but when your dad got so bad, I'm glad he didn't have to stay any longer. And I know there was a lot of his own family there that were happy to see him come.

I'm sorry Gene is so bad. I hope the pain doesn't get too bad. It has been warmer today, but yesterday when Wayne and family left at 10:00 am it was cold. I had to turn on the heat. When we have a warm day, the wind blows and turns all cold.

(Thursday night) I've never had such a heck of a time getting one letter written. Makes me think of Mildred. It takes her forever to get a letter answered. I guess that is why I never hear from her. I've got the water going trying to get some of the lawn watered. It hasn't been watered for a week. The wind blew for days and yesterday I washed. When I do that and water, those two jobs make my leg where I can't go any farther. Today I ironed and cleaned up my house then laid down for an hour before I set the water going. I can finish it tomorrow. Bruce cut it for me today. Now I've taken all I can for a day so I'll stop and watch a TV show.

I hope all is well with you folks and pray the Lord will grant you all with the blessings you need. My love to you all, Aunt Thelma [Elmer's sister]

2911 Claremont Heights Drive

[Another entry from Perry's journal]

August 6, 1979: I had B & R Tree Service come and remove one oleander and two bottle brush and one rock willow in preparation for the wall and to make a new front entrance.  I can hardly believe I am tackling this big project with Gene in the condition she is in and needing so much help.  Yet I must do something active, constructive to help get my mind off my troubles.  I plan to work only a little at a time.  I can do something--how much I don’t know--but it will help me and I can still stay close to Gene.  It almost hurt to remove those bottle brush.  Gene and I put them in so many years ago, watered and tended them.  How things can change.  Sometimes it hurts.