I just can't be myself again till I hear from you

The day Perry and Gene keep dreaming of--
Perry's discharge from the Navy, December 1945
Perry writes, " In front of the Ione Apt., Flower St., LA
Just out of the Navy and had just bought my first civvies suit."

April 12, 1945 (Thursday eve.)

Dearest husband Perry,

I have let four days go by without writing you. Oh, my dearest, forgive my weakness. When I wrote you Sunday, I had not heard from you in almost a week. I was anxious then, but most hopeful, that the next day would bring e a letter from you. It didn't. Now another week has almost gone and still I have no word from you, sweetheart. I pray constantly each day. Oh, I know you are safe, dear heart, I know there is good reason why I do not hear from you. But sometimes it seems if I do not have a letter from you today, I shall surely not be able to go on. 

Are you receiving my letters, Perry? Is there no mail coming or going from your ship? Oh, surely there must be. Can you understand my feelings, dearest? How can I help being anxious when I don't know where you are or what you are doing in this awful conflict. There is something I do know though--our love is as strong as ever, for I feel it. It is with me always, Perry.

Viola and I are still painting figurines at the gift shop. Tuesday we went to the eye specialist with Mother. He examined our eyes too and discovered I should be wearing glasses for close work and reading. He said I have been straining my eyes. These glasses, and some kind of eye exercise I will take, will finally make them normal again, he said, for I have good vision. I'll get my glasses Saturday. They cost me $20.

That same day Viola took us out to 109th St. where her sister lives. Some friends of theirs are buying a home and vacating a cute little place they rented for $40 per month (furnished) which we hope to get. It's such an ideal place for Emily and the baby we think.

Dearest Perry,

Today is our 6th month anniversary to the day. It really doesn't seem that long. No letter today. I hope you are getting your mail tho, Perry. I was pretty blue last night so didn't finish this. The president's death surely came as a great shock to everyone here yesterday. Wonder what will happen  to the country now?

Tonight there is to be a Gleaner party at Viola's house. Guess I'll go, but I have no heart for it. Nothing is fun anymore, Perry. I just can't be myself again till I hear from you. My sweetheart, I love you so--I need you. The missionary class is going to have a picnic after Sunday School over in the park. What an awful letter I've written you! I'll try to do better tomorrow. I promise. Love me, Perry. I love you. Your own Gene

April 13, 1945

My Sweetheart Gene,

It's past taps, but I had a little snooze this afternoon so I am staying up to write you. If I went to bed, I would only be awake thinking of you, so I'll try to capitalize on it and endeavor to put my thoughts on paper. I'll frankly admit I've yet, since I have been away from you, been able to quite express my thoughts to you the way I would like. It's difficult enough just to have to write, being unable to speak my love to you as I once did, but knowing someone else will have to read it and stamp their approval on it intensifies the difficulty tremendously.

My darling, it is my constant prayer that the time might be shortened when I can be with you again, when I can talk with you as I once did, when we can discuss those things so close to the hearts of both of us. Since I have been away, there are a few things that have been pressing upon my mind continuously, and for an opportunity to tell you and accomplish those things has been the substance of my prayers. 

Remember I once told you that perhaps we would see each other sooner than we both thought, but even yet I do my best to avoid building up my hopes to avoid disappointment. It is so pleasant, though, to dream of walking in on you, my darling wife, even if it were only for a little while. I think I should like best of all to walk in on you and find you sleeping. It would be something new for you to wake up and find you weren't dreaming, wouldn't it? Oh my darling, I am convinced that I have the sweetest and most lovely wife in the whole world. Now remember, you once told me you would always respect my opinion.

Heard this morning of the death of President Roosevelt. I remember your father saying he doubted if FDR would live out his term. It is certainly too bad--too bad they didn't elect Dewey (with all due respect to the deceased.)

Well my sweetheart, I'm quite sure I shall never be completely happy again until I am with you. I long to hear you say again the words you said once about what you wanted. When we have that and other little things, only then will I be happy--but oh, how happy. Do you understand what I am talking about. With all my heart I love you my darling. Always yours, Perry

April 16, 1945

My Darling Sweetheart and Wife,

I didn't have time to write you yesterday as I intended. It was a beautiful sunny Sunday, and I longed to be walking down Flower Street with you the way we used to do on Sundays after church. I haven't had any mail from you for so long that all I live on is memories. Don't let that disturb you though darling because I know I will be getting your letters soon. I don't want you to think your letter writing is all for nothing. I will virtually live on every line of each letter when I get them.

I think I may be able to get you some film for your camera and if so, I will send them to you. Otherwise, I will try your suggestion of writing for some. I'm going to send you another $50 soon. How is our bank account doing now anyway? Did you get the other $50 and tithing?

Has Emily come out there yet and were you able to find an apartment? You have probably already answered these questions in the letters I haven't received yet. I never did even hear if you went to the Gold and Green Ball with your cousin or not. I'm very curious about many things.

I keep reading some of your letters over and over and they never cease to thrill me. It always makes me utter a silent thanks that I have such a sweet wife, one who I can very truthfully say that I love desperately with all my heart. Then after reading your patriarchal blessing, I wonder and marvel how it was that I was brought to you. Yes, my darling, your husband is madly in love with you.

Will close for now, my sweetheart, but my thoughts will go right on thinking of you just the same. I think I would be powerless to control them even if I wanted to, which I most certainly do not. Eternally yours, Perry