My Darling and Lovely Wife,
Here I am again with not much more time than before. I don't think this will last long though. I should soon be able to take time to really concentrate when I write you. Anyway, I'm determined no one is going to stop me from writing you every day even if the letters do have to be short. I'll try to make them as sweet as possible though, my darling, to compensate for their brevity.
|Perry's Grandmother Marion Atwood Manwaring (center) |
with some of his sisters, aunts, and cousins, Vernal, Utah
Darling, I just got through re-reading a lot of your old letters. They were the ones about how blue you got when you didn't get any mail from me for so long. I want you to know that when you don't get mail regularly it is unavoidable and no fault of my own. That's why I'm keeping on writing now so that you will have several letters to compensate for the few days you won't receive any. I'm trying as much as I can to write you every day as I said I would.
It really thrilled and inspired me to read your letters over again, my darling. Even to know how much you missed my letters was in itself quite a thrill. Darling, to really know that I have someone as sweet and lovely as you who loves me gives me the greatest joy one could possibly have. And my highest ambition is to live to be worthy of it all and to make or cause you to love me even more.
Sweetheart, I am so thankful for you and so happy we got married when we did. I only want now to be able to be with you forever so we can be completely happy and fulfill our dreams. I need you my love. "It is not good for man to be alone."
I'm surely hoping I'll have several letters waiting from my darling when we are able to get mail again. It is those little words from you that keep me going and with hope for each new day. I love you my sweetheart. Always, Perry
May 19, 1945 (Saturday evening)
My Sweetheart Perry,
I received your letter of the 15th this morning (noon rather.) Darling, you made me feel so bad for not writing you oftener that I just cried. Oh Perry, it has been so almost impossible to sit down to write. I can hardly concentrate while the baby is up and around. It's so confusing in this house. But my dearest, I think of you constantly--every hour of every day and am so miserable when I can't write you and take more time to express my thought to you.
I haven't been very happy for several days cause I haven't had much time for myself. I've become so nervous too. I would like so very much to have a place of my own. Hope I can find something--think it would relieve Mother some too. She will have the baby over here most of the time. Emily has a job now, downtown. She wants to save some money too before Dick comes home. He tells her he will probably be coming home in ten months.
But oh how I pray that the war will be over soon--very soon for I don't know how I can go on much longer without you, my Perry. Mr. Taber has asked Viola and I to take two weeks off in June. I almost feel as tho I should try to get another job. It would pay, I think. This work is so irregular and therefore not very profitable tho I do like it.
Today I worked till 1:00 pm then came home. Nellie came over for awhile. She wanted me to go home with her and stay all night, but I wanted to write you and to be alone if I could so I told her I would come another time. Anyway, I shall see her again in the morning at church.
Soon I shall go wash my hair and take a bath and see what I shall wear tomorrow. The weather has been so cool here lately even if the sun does shine bright. I do wish it would get warm soon. Will try to get this letter off to you tonight, darling, so will stop here.
Always remember, my lover husband, I love you with all my heart and soul--more than I can express in words. Your own devoted wife, Gene
May 19, 1945
My Sweet and Lovely Wife,
Tonight I am here with you again hoping I'll be able to adequately express my love to make it seem ever new and genuine. I wish I had one of you letters here to help me. It is really a beautiful day today, so calm, and the water so smooth. It's so blue and looks so cool I really think I'd like to take a swim, but then that's out. The ocean is all right as long as you are in sight of land, but more than that is not for me. I think the most desirable is to have my feet planted firmly in "the good earth." Guess I'm not a very enthusiastic sailor, am I. My main objection is that it takes me so far and so long away from my love. The main thing is just to be with you, my darling. I think I could learn to put up with most anything else.
Sunday, May 20th
Didn't get to finish this, sweetheart. I spent most of the night up so I was plenty sleepy today. I slept nearly all morning. It was so hot I didn't rest very well though and when I woke up, I could hardly move and I felt achy all over. After walking around awhile in the fresh air, I soon felt fine though that certainly isn't the kind of Sunday nap I like.
To make it worse, I didn't even realize it was Sunday until noon. That's pretty bad, isn't it, and Sunday always used to be the best day of all--especially when I think of those Sundays I spent with my sweetheart. I can just almost see us now walking down Adams or Flower Street and the sun shining down so warm. Then your mother would have such a nice dinner for us and we wouldn't do anything all afternoon but be lazy.
I can remember those times almost as plain as though it had happened yesterday and yet it seems so long ago. I certainly pray for the day when I can quit living on memories. It is good to have pleasant memories, but alone they are not enough, not nearly enough for complete happiness. We should be able to get our happiness from living in the present and use the past only as its experience will help us now and our memories as a background to illumine the even greater future.
Well, that all sounds very good, but it just isn't possible without you, my darling. It is only with you, my sweetheart, that I will ever be able to live a complete and happy life and realize my heart's desires. Gene, your husband loves you very, very much and is so thankful for you.
Sweetheart, I have to get up pretty early, so I will have to leave you now and get some sleep. You will remain in my heart though and even in my sleep we are still together. Love and more love, Perry